remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm passing your future prison.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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