It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
