well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
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The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
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Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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