I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!