The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag