hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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