Texts From Last Night

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  (515): View more from Iowa

  Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Beat you to it.

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  (515): Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card? (847): Beat you to it. http://tfl.nu/fyxy
  Replies (9) Good night (1626) Bad night (499)
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  (315): View more from New York

  I think im going to throw up on grandma

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  (315): I think im going to throw up on grandma http://tfl.nu/l2gu
  Replies (3) Good night (786) Bad night (2546)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  I am in shape. i keep telling you that.

  (1-313): View more from Michigan

  Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."

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  (313): I am in shape. i keep telling you that. (1-313): Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape." http://tfl.nu/2t6h
  Replies (28) Good night (903) Bad night (3547)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.

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  (480): You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker. http://tfl.nu/8odk
  Replies (15) Good night (528) Bad night (3725)
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!

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  (864): After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?! http://tfl.nu/q1jx
  Replies (17) Good night (1581) Bad night (3948)
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.

  (1-646): View more from New York

  Your pregnant arnt you

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  (646): There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil. (1-646): Your pregnant arnt you http://tfl.nu/t59m
  Replies (21) Good night (1646) Bad night (5354)
• Favorite

  (289): View more from Ontario

  So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already

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  (289): So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already http://tfl.nu/wb0t
  Replies (24) Good night (7698) Bad night (1312)
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.

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  (902): Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl. http://tfl.nu/a7t2
  Replies (13) Good night (7045) Bad night (982)
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!

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  (901): Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train! http://tfl.nu/ural
  Replies (6) Good night (1981) Bad night (709)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar

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  (412): Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar http://tfl.nu/l67v
  Replies (8) Good night (2415) Bad night (805)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese

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  (215): she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese http://tfl.nu/9mra
  Replies (6) Good night (757) Bad night (1725)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"

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  (860): You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES" http://tfl.nu/55vp
  Replies (7) Good night (1733) Bad night (545)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.

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  (847): Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that. http://tfl.nu/stzp
  Replies (1) Good night (1157) Bad night (393)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.

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  (604): I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me. http://tfl.nu/gmo1
  Replies (8) Good night (1185) Bad night (465)
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society

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  (307): I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society http://tfl.nu/0efv
  Replies (3) Good night (836) Bad night (279)

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