I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".