Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  My bottle opener just broke off in the cork

  (248): View more from Michigan

  They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts

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  (248): My bottle opener just broke off in the cork (248): They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts http://tfl.nu/wcrk
  Replies (5) Good night (873) Bad night (1133)
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  (949): View more from California

  either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating

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  (949): either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating http://tfl.nu/qtb8
  Replies (6) Good night (3076) Bad night (667)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"

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  (513): god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is" http://tfl.nu/c0jq
  Replies (36) Good night (1422) Bad night (4364)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here

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  (303): dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here http://tfl.nu/onu8
  Replies (15) Good night (5313) Bad night (546)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.

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  (918): I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame. http://tfl.nu/mqw4
  Replies (12) Good night (3884) Bad night (799)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.

  (214): View more from Texas

  round 2?

  (972): View more from Texas

  EVER.

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  (972): you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again. (214): round 2? (972): EVER. http://tfl.nu/6p06
  Replies (10) Good night (1238) Bad night (3700)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.

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  (314): Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation. http://tfl.nu/d9l2
  Replies (4) Good night (904) Bad night (2070)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move

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  (732): 4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move http://tfl.nu/7ba1
  Replies (6) Good night (4058) Bad night (1037)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.

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  (210): She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college. http://tfl.nu/uhbq
  Replies (4) Good night (2162) Bad night (629)
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  (415): View more from California

  She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.

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  (415): She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision. http://tfl.nu/yqhh
  Replies (19) Good night (5261) Bad night (874)
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?

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  (506): Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant? http://tfl.nu/bdft
  Replies (3) Good night (796) Bad night (691)
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  (323): View more from California

  I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?

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  (323): I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there? http://tfl.nu/203x
  Replies (7) Good night (534) Bad night (651)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch

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  (440): No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch http://tfl.nu/as9g
  Replies (1) Good night (589) Bad night (323)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.

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  (305): I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon. http://tfl.nu/f8kn
  Replies (1) Good night (1019) Bad night (425)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot

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  (207): he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot http://tfl.nu/t6zb
  Replies (2) Good night (326) Bad night (697)

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