her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!