Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
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I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
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She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.