Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(347): View more from New York

the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant

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(817): View more from Texas

It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.

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(530): View more from California

Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds

(1-530): View more from California

Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.

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(214): View more from Texas

could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?

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23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Read it at the TFLN blog
(619): View more from California

By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.

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(301): View more from Maryland

he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.

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(218): View more from Minnesota

i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again

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(714): View more from California

Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila

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