Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
