so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm both gender and math confused
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
