what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
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Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
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The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
me + whiskey = a bad person
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize