Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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