apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
