I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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