five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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