Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
where am i from again
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
