After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
this boner is exhausting
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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