i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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