Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
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