I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
