dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
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i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize