I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
