DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
