it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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