Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
