either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
