Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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