dude i'm inner monologue high
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
