...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
