Apparently you make a good broom.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
