why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
