im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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