What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
