Your mouth is God's brothel.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
