We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
