Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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