I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
