dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
