Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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