office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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