I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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