1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
