come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
