Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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