True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've created a new STD.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Randomize