even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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