So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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