so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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