im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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