Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
