I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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