the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
