I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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