You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
