You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
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I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
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When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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