I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
