I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
