If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Randomize
