You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
