She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
