Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
