Having a random hookup so left but love u
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
