Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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