I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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