The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
