I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
